Tony Blair: from Prime Minister to Eastenders Scriptwriter

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/foreignaffairs/story/0,11538,1602510,00.html

Blair surpasses himself once again, with the rhetorical skill of an Athenian sophist. The notion of a country, Iran having 'an attitude like that', as though Iran were a sulky teenager with a bad attitude towards parents, is brilliant. A metaphor seamlessly woven into the political hard talk of our world leaders. Iran is naughty naughty naughty. With countries being personified with having attitudes (not their leaders, but the country itself), how could we best represent Britain? As an angry parent? Perhaps a fat, indignant Godfather, gold chains drooping from its hairy chest, leaning back in a leather reclining chair shouting orders down a telephone while smoking its cigar... But that would be using metaphors to caricature politics, and wouldn't be rational.

The PM announces: "Anyone in Europe, knowing our history, when we hear such statements made about Israel, it makes us feel very angry," appealing to our European values to share his righteous indignation. Of course, as Britons, who could fail to be appalled. After all, Britain has the most honourable of histories in setting up the State of Israel. How on earth could its existence be criticized? With our portraits of Lawrence of Arabia proudly hung above our family hearth, we naturally support Mr. Blair in his moral crusade. The mere idea of cheating people out of their territories...? Disgraceful.

Following the reprimands with warnings of the full force of his British, Blair informed Iran (bear in mind the misbehaving teenager, faced up to with a wagging finger), that the 'world' will respond to such aggression. Of course, the 'world' (the Uzbek nomad tribes? Ecuadorian desert dwellers?) disapproves unanimously, like a Greek chorus, when the misbehaving Iranian says what he things openly. An Israeli political party basing its decisions on the bloody intentions drawn from a badly translated book of parables is, however, a grown-up country. Adults in politics, unlike their unruly, misbehaving neighbours.

This sort of rhetoric doesn’t even surprise the reporters who write it any more. That we should actually record and report the comments of a Prime Minister, talking about a country like a person, giving Iran a good old-fashioned telling off, doesn’t even seem funny. The comic genius of the Prime Minister is lost on our audience.

Let's take Tony's language the whole (third?) way. Let’s have a sitcom where, like in Medieval morality plays, the characters have placards round their necks telling us what they represent. Mr. Blair could have far more influence over politics than the creators of Big Brother, by just writing his statements in this format. We could have Iraq as a 14 year old girl with a Burkah thieving and lying to all the other characters, and the USA as the big healthy barman, serving out Budweiser in fatherly merriment, occasionally throwing misbehaving patrons out of the World Bar (United Nations Bar/ World Bank Pub / The Oil Rig and F14 pub… suggestions welcome).
Come to think of it, throw a placard onto each character, and Eastenders will do the job. From now on, who needs parliament. To discuss politics, bring on the Vic.