Saturday
9.00 Wake up
9.30 Really wake up
9.45 Leave my colleague Liam's apartment - which I am shamelessly squatting while he's on holiday in Ireland - to visit a flat
10:20 Get to flat. It's shit. Go to another flat in the hope of not having to kill someone to be able to get a decent apartment by August
11.10 Am late to visit a flat in Stuttgart West. A sable-skinned Schwabian is standing smoking in front of the door. The building is cool, and lots of friendly, dishevelled houses and people around. It's a bit dark, but it's a runner.
11.38 Call another agent. Arrange to meet at 12.30. Wander around market and laugh internally at the Schwabians waving their sausages about, wondering if any of them have heard of Freud.
12.07 Stumble upon a great second hand clothes shop. Decide to buy a much-needed raincoat and stop borrowing Liam's
12.32 Suddenly realise I'm missing the appointment with the estate agent. Throw a flurry of money the bemused cashier and run off to the tube station
12.48 Am in the middle of the woods. Have taken the wrong train.
1252 Call the estate agent and cry asking her to tell me why those mean trains take me nto the forest. She tells me to shut up and get my behind over to our appointment.
13.14 I arrive at the arranged address. A skinny woman wearing very outdated clothing with the worst red die-job you've seen in your life opens the door and leers into my face. I manage not to scream with fright.
13.52 Leave apartments. Neither suits. Discover that the other guy looking at the flats with me is the photographer who designed our fancy pants school brochure. He asks about sharing a flat. I tell him he's an artist and will end up stealing the change I leave around to feed his heroine addiction, thank you very much. But I give him my email.
14.00 Am standing mindlessly in the street for 10 minutes straight. Realise I am late for another flat visit. Run to the bus.
14.20 Realise I am not late but 10 minutes early for this one. Bump into the landlord while asking for directions. Try not to notice the teapot-sized lump on his neck. Flat shit. Leave in semi-despair
14.38 Am late for the next appointment up the hill. Take the long winding route anyway for inexplicable reasons.
14.44 Arrive there with a crowd of other visitors. Am pleased with the size and price but a bit put off by the ugly lumps gone out of the wall. Give address and leave.
15.03 End up in a beer hall of some sort, being the only customer, to the annoyance of the waitress. Ask for the lunch menu and get stonking big plate of (guess what) Schwabian food with a big fluffy beer. Try to chat up the waitress and get rejected miserably.
15.40 Realise I've missed a flat showing. Get my behind in gear to get to the next one beore it's over.
16.08 Get to the flat. Blunder about looking at plugs and tiling, trying to ask questions in broken German. Find out the guy speaks Italian, and end up speaking a confused pudding of Italian-German crap.
-----Later -----
20.10 Get off the phone and decide to go to the theatre to see an African puppet show.
20.43 Get to the Hauptbahnhoff main station and rush to theatre to grab a ticket. Realise I haven't had dinner and won't for another 2 hours. Walk out of the theatre into the main park, which I hadn't noticed for some reason till then. Get a sandwich and a beer and watch kids jumping on a giant white balloon. Realise the park is full of amazing statues. Resolve to buy a camera soon and take pictures soon.
20.15 Show starts. Am amazed by the amount of shit there is lying around onstage.
22.30 Show ends. Time has flown by but I'm a bit supised that a play which depends on hugs technical devices and has little or no decent acting in it, should get 5 encore rounds of applause.
22.46 Wander into a bar across the park which seems cool. Discover it is an exhibition centre and has an exhibition open in the evening. Wander about, and end up in a rom full of Bollywood dancers.
22.50 Buy a drink. Admire how artsy the German artsy people are these days. Nasty dreadlocks are definitely the fashion.
23.23 Decide to join the actors from all the plays which had finished that evening, wildly dancing around to Bollywood techno music while the German crowd clutch their drinks nervously. Notice that the Indians and Africans are far better at having fun than the white Europeans. Realise I'm probably the only person on earth who hadn't noticed that before.
24.20 Decide to leave
24.33 Decide to go home and shower.
01.10 take train to Degeloch, the suburb where my school is, and I am now staying in.
01.24 Walk through town and realise that I narrowly escaped living in Pleasantville, since the school's estate agent wanted to find me something here. Quietly pray to Bob the god of enjoyment, giving thanks for showing me that Stuttgart isn't the worthless pit of Christian boredom everyone has said. Ask if he could get me a decent guitar amp for Christmas.
